Cold Feet
by mrs.shigwa.cobain
Summary: It's Lily and James' wedding and they're having second thoughts.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Yup, it's another installment in my obsession with all things Lily/James. This one is mild to moderately long. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Is this even necessary? If I owned them I wouldn't be here. I'd be in dancing in front of the queen's castle shouting "nah nah nah nah boo boo, I have more money than you do!" Alas, it is not so. I might try the dancing thing anyway, though.

James ruffled his already mussed hair and swung his head to the side quickly- too quickly as it turned out. He closed his eyes as the pounding in his head subdued. Man, this sure would make for one nasty hangover. When he opened his eyes, his gaze fell upon overturned furniture, empty bottles of alcohol, decorations such as confetti and magical balloons, and other party remnants. On the floor, in a heap of body and clothing, lay Sirius and Pete serenely snoring in a drunken stupor. A rustling behind him caused James to turn again, this time at a cautiously slow speed.

"I guess that means the bachelor party was a success..."

It was Remus.

James tried for a nod, but immediately regretted it. He settled for a short "mhm," while waiting for his headache to quiet again.

"How do you feel?" Remus asked, his breath only faintly tinted with the scent of liquor.

"Terrible," James responded glumly.

"That's just the firewhiskey. You'll be over it by ceremony time." Remus soothed.

"No... I don't think that's it..." James slurred as coherently as his slowed brain would allow.

"How do you figure?"

"Do you think there's a chance that maybe... maybe Lily isn't the one for me?"

There was a stunned silence.

"Prongs, you've been telling us since fourth year that you were going to marry this girl. You're having doubts _now_?"

"Well, I've been wrong about things before... Maybe that was just a fantasy, like something I never thought I could have. Maybe I just wanted to see if I could get her."

"James!" Remus gasped.

"I was stupid then, Moony. Who knows what sort of twisted logic could have started this?!" James let his face drop helplessly into his hands.

"Don't you love her?"

A pregnant pause followed. Remus found himself leaning forward so that he was precariously perched literally on the edge of his seat in anticipation of James' answer.

"Of course."

Remus let out a breath that he hadn't even realized he was holding.

"With all my heart, I always have."

Remus scowled in confusion. "Then what's the problem?"

"I... I don't know. Maybe it _is_ the beer." James forced a chuckle that he hoped would make Remus forget about the whole thing.

"Right..." Remus said uncertainly.

"I think I'll go for a walk..."

"I'll come with you," Remus offered, standing up. James waved him off.

"No, you stay here with these two prats," he motioned towards Sirius and Pete, "you never know what they could get into while drunk and unsupervised."

"Good point. Don't wander too far, now. I would hate to have to tell Lily you never came back." Remus laughed, only half joking.

"Cheers."

James stumbled along the avenue. The cold, crisp night air was rather refreshing. He lost himself in the darkness and when he reemerged, he found himself outside the house Lily was staying at with her girlfriends. He paced in front of the door, trying to decide if this idea was like one of those that only seemed good because it was conceived at two in the morning or under the influence (both of which were factors in this situation).

Finally he came to the conclusion that no good could come from being there and slowly turned to leave. He needed to get back to the Potter mansion anyhow. His friends were probably still sleeping and might even be drooling on his mum's furniture. He shivered at the thought of the repercussions of that. He'd probably get a howler during his honeymoon! He made up his mind; he had to get back. He didn't get too far when he heard girlish giggling behind him. He knew the sight before he even turned to look.

Lily stood in the centre of a bunch of hysterical girls. She wore a large play tiara on her head which glowed pink (even though she had begged for a more dignified color, or perhaps one that didn't clash with her hair so). Glitter glinted on her eyelashes and on her bare shoulders, exposed by the sleeveless boustier her friends had coaxed her into . James's breath caught in his throat.

"You look positively gorgeous, love," he said, finding himself unable to move. If there were ever any doubts that he loved Lily, they would have been smashed at that very moment,

Lily's cheeks flushed a pink to match her tiara and the other girls just giggled more profusely.

"Erm, girls? Do you think I could have a _private_ word with Lily?"

"Sure!"

"Of course!"

"Go on, Lils!"

The girls shooed Lily out the door towards James and went back inside to leave them alone, all the while giggling.

_'For Merlin's sake, do they do nothing but giggle?' _James thought.

"You wanted to talk?" Lily prompted.

James took one last look over his shoulder in the direction of his manor and sighed. This was his last chance to get away unscathed.

"Yeah."

_There goes that plan._

"The thing is... I don't know quite how to say this. I suppose I'll just be blunt, then." He struggled, hoping to be able to conjure the correct words.

"You always are," Lily said happily. _Ok, I'm ready for anything._

"I do believe I'm experiencing cold feet."

_Anything except maybe that._

"I'm... sorry?"

James did a double take. "No, I'm sorry. Never mind, that was stupid. I'll leave you alone now."

"Wait!" Lily's mind was spinning. "Please don't go. Talk to me."

James was instantly sorry that he had come. He couldn't imagine anything worse than a man telling a woman that he was questioning their relationship on the night before their wedding.

"What exactly is it that you're nervous about?"

"Me," James replied simply. Lily put her hands on her hips.

"James Potter, if you plan on giving me one of those 'it's not you, it's me' speeches on the eve of our wedding, you're sorely mistaken."

"No, no. That's not how I meant it at all. I meant... I think this whole thing started for the wrong reason."

"I don't think I understand," Lily said, her brow her brow furrowed in a contemplative expression.

"What I mean is, back when I was young and stupid, I made advances on you for the wrong reasons. You were a mystery, Lily, a challenge. I think it started as a game," James explained in a hushed voice. Lily stared pensively at the moon.

"It's beautiful..." she said dreamily.

"Lily!" James exclaimed impatiently. He put his hand on her shoulder to jolt her back to reality. Somewhere inside the house a fresh round of giggles started.

"James, I don't think it matters how this started. As long as now it's for the right reasons, the past doesn't matter. I mean, I, for one, started this off trying to break you down. Thought it would be the ultimate revenge prank, I did." Lily saw the look of hurt wash over James' features.

"Well, I changed my mind, didn't I?"

"That's another thing. _Why_ did you change your mind? I was a terrible guy!" He threw his arms up in self-loathing and turned his back to Lily, trying to create a physical barrier between them to match the emotional one.

"James, I'm not sure you realize you're using the verb in a past tense. You _were_ a not-so-great guy once upon a time."

He spun around as quickly as he dared without upsetting his headache. "But I haven't changed!"

"Maybe not, but that's a good thing. I didn't want you to change," Lily's eyes twinkled, "I wanted you to evolve."

"There's a difference?" James asked.

"Of course."

James absorbed the thought in silence.

"And did I do it?"

"Only brilliantly," Lily affirmed.

Another moment of absolute stillness passed between them, and then James brought his face so close to Lily's that he could see every freckle clearly, even in the dim light of the night. Their noses just barely brushed. Oh so carefully he asked the real question; the question for which he had walked three miles in the dead of night to hear the answer.

"Why do you love me?"

Lily was caught off guard. She hesitated a bit too long. "Well... I..."

"But you _do_ love me, right?"

"No, I'm _marrying_ you for your _money_," she snapped.

"Don't joke," James demanded evenly, his face still within centimeters of hers.

"Of course I do," Lily answered.

"Ok, glad we've got that cleared up... Now it's just a matter of finding out why."

"Does it matter?" Lily countered; her eyes alight with a new stinging fire. "Can't you just be happy with the fact that I do and be done with it?"

"No!" James groaned. "I _can't_ just be happy with it because I know that in about five years I'll have no clue as to how to make you happy and you'll be kicking yourself that you chose me when there's some perfectly nice, smart, _serious_ guy running around just waiting for you!"

"I can guarantee that won't happen." Lily spat.

"Oh?" James rivaled. "I don't recall you paying _that_ much attention in Divination."

"I didn't have to. I know I won't want just_ some_ guy who's _perfect_. I want _this_ one, imperfections and all." She made sure to look him directly in the eye while saying it.

James looked sheepishly at her, and then cocked one of his eyebrows in a challenging fashion. "You still have yet to answer 'why'. Why am I the lucky dope?" James watched Lily as she gave serious thought to the question. Patches of moonlight covered half of her face, making him unable to read any kind of emotion from her.

"I don't know..." she said slowly. "It must be one of those things you can't explain."

"Try."

"Well, part of it is the intrigue... I never know that you're going to do, you're so spontaneous. It'll never get boring, and I need that for the natural born prude that I am."

James chuckled.

"Part of it is that at the heart of everything, you really are the good guy. You always mean well, at least.

"Part of it is that you seem like just a big child. You're all goofy and sweet. It's adorable.

"And perhaps the biggest part is that you loved me. You loved me so persistently for so long amidst at least hundreds of rejections. You wore me down." Lily smiled. "I believe the scientific term would be 'erosion'."

"Leave it to you to get all technical. Call it what it is. I melted your heart." James smiled his reluctantly charming, lopsided grin.

"Leave it to you to get all sentimental."

James' smile grew wider. He reached for Lily's hand and massaged it lightly. He maintained eye contact as he kissed the back of her hand briefly. He felt warm and tingly inside. The next sentence shattered his world.

"James, I do believe I have cold feet."

He was literally stunned into submission. His insides froze and his heart broke. Lily's visage was one of uncertainty.

"From talking to you out here for so long..."

"I _knew _it," he interrupted, "In that amount of time I convinced you that I'm a complete git..."

Lily pressed her index finger to his lips, successfully shushing him.

"No, I meant, standing out here at night with not even a shoe or slipper..."

James' eyes dropped to the ground to take in Lily's bare feet. Realization dawned.

"Cold feet."

She nodded.

"That was_ not_ funny."

Lily stuck out her tongue. Oh he was wrong, that was the funniest thing in the world.

"I'll get you for that, Evans!" He grabbed her and had no trouble getting her pinned to the ground. More giggling came from inside. He lowered his face and their lips met in a kiss so intense that for that fleeting moment, they could thing of nothing but being there in that very moment. Time stood still; sound was muted. They never wanted to part, but part they did when Lily roughly shoved James off of her and stared him squarely in the eye.

"My name," she said sternly, "is Potter."

James seemed to inflate with each passing second. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you, too," Lily whispered, "but about that cold feet thing..."

"Mhm?"

"I really need to get inside."

"Oh, of course, dear." James jumped up and cradled Lily in his arms. He carried her to the threshold where he was received by the same bunch of giggling girls. She was dragged away and James was left unceremoniously on his can outside the door. He didn't mind, though. He made his way home with a new bounce to his step that seemed to have him floating on air.

When he reached his destination, he found Remus was still the only one awake, but only just so. Remus' eyes drooped with the need for sleep.

"All better?" he yawned.

James smiled warmly; sleep finally coming to claim him. "All better."

A/N: So, what did you think? Too mushy, not mushy enough, or just right? Please leave a review!


	2. Chapter 2

Church bells were ringing all around her, but Lily could hear only the pounding of her heart. She gazed into the full length mirror before her and took a sharp breath in. Her reflection stared back pensively.

"It's really your wedding day," she said to the glass. A voice from the doorways startled her.

"What gave that away? Was it the church? The dress? Oh, I know! It was your best chum in this hideous bridesmaid gown!"

Lily's face relaxed immediately. "Oh come off it, Charlotte, that dress looks gorgeous on you."

Charlotte beamed, "Not as good as yours looks on you." She turned Lily so she once again faced the mirror.

"I suppose it is… flattering," Lily whispered as she traced the beading on her bodice with her fingers.

"Flattering? You look downright hot." Charlotte giggled at Lily's modesty and Lily's cheeks flushed a rosy pink. A moment passed before anyone spoke again.

"I feel… a bit… queasy…" Lily said hesitantly.

"Butterflies?" Charlotte asked from across the room where she was collecting the bouquets. The corners of her lips twitched into a smile. "Or… are you pregnant!" Charlotte fell dramatically onto the overstuffed couch.

"Oh don't even!" Lily chuckled at her friend's antics. "We've been very careful. There won't be any cute and smelly little surprises. It will happen when we're both ready and when we decide it should." She set her jaw decisively.

Charlotte nodded. "Alright then. Ready now?"

"Good heavens, no!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm barely two years out of Hogwarts, there's no reason I should be having children this young! I-"

"I meant are you ready to get to the ceremony…" Charlotte laughed.

"Oh… right. I knew that…" Lily cleared her throat and nudged Charlotte light-heartedly. "Anyway, could I have a moment then? I'll only be a moment."

"Sure, I'll tell the minister to be ready," Charlotte said and left, closing the door on her way out.

Lily sighed and straightened her dress in front of the mirror. She lifted her bouquet off of the couch and held it against her torso as she would in a few minutes to walk down the aisle. She appeared happy, but why did she feel so confused?

"This is silly…" she muttered to herself. "This is supposed to be the best day of your life. You love him. You _know_ you love him, you said so last night when he…"

Suddenly Lily understood the shadow of anxiety that lumped in her throat. Her flowers fell back to the couch and she bit back a tear.

"Talk to him dearie," the mirror coaxed.

"It… it's bad luck," Lily choked back.

"It's only bad luck if you look at each other. Talking is most definitely good luck, if it's what helps you get up to that altar."

Lily took a few seconds to consider this then ran out of the room as fast as her shoes would allow her. In seconds she was outside the room that James was getting ready in. She knocked once and opened the door only a crack but did not peek inside.

"James," she called in, "it's me."

"Lily," James said in confusion, "you shouldn't be here."

"Close your eyes, I need to talk to you," Lily commanded.

"Can't it wait?"

"No! Now close your eyes," she insisted.

"Fine, they're closed. What is it that you want?"

"Good." Lily placed her hand over her eyes and opened the door the rest of the way and slipped inside. "Can you put your arms out? I can't tell where you are."

"I'm here," James said as he waved his arms around. Lily followed his voice and caught his hand. She pulled him into a tight hug.

"You can't marry me."

"_What?" _James jumped back but his eyes remained closed.

"You shouldn't… not if it isn't what you really want."

"What are you on about? Marrying you has _always_ been what I want." James could not believe what he was hearing. He struggled to comply with Lily's wish for him to keep his eyes shut- he needed to be able to read her expression, then maybe he could figure out what her panic was about.

"But last night… you didn't know…" Lily started.

"Last night… last night was the product of too much firewhiskey and a case of cold feet. It meant nothing. You talked me down from it anyway…" James explained himself and let out a relieved sigh. Unfortunately Lily was not done.

"Exactly!" she exclaimed. "The reason you're marrying me is because I talked you into it at the moment when you realized that maybe you didn't really love me. If you need me to decide for you, then we shouldn't go through with this. You need to want it on your own free will."

"Hold it!" James fired back. "Where'd you get those ideas? That's rubbish! First off, the reason I'm marrying you is that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Secondly, there was never a moment when I thought I didn't love you. Never, ok? And don't forget it. Having cold feet is natural, and in my case, it was because I was worried about you. I was worried that _I_ might be wrong for _you_… that you deserve better."

"I'm not better than you," Lily whispered.

"Oh, I disagree, Lily flower," James' voice was quiet and tender. "I disagree."

"But there are so many things not to love about me… my temper, my bossiness, the way I…"

"And there are more than enough things to love about you to make it all worth while. Besides, I like your temper. You're unbelievably sexy why you're angry." James chuckled to himself. Lily scoffed.

"You need me to convince you? Alright… you're the most intelligent and clever person I have ever met, at magic and everything else. Your brain surprises me everyday.

"You're steady and stable, capable of deterring only the most stupidly dangerous of my stunts while still being fun enough to let me have my amusement.

"You're good-hearted to the core. Taking care and giving love is what you are designed to do- to anyone who needs it. I count myself as so lucky to be loved by you. Don't you see, Lil? There's no way I couldn't love you. There's just no way. Yes, you're not perfect, and we've already established that I'm not perfect either, but we're perfect for each other, and that's what matters."

A hot tear rolled down Lily's cheek and she regretfully took her hand from James' to dab it away. "That was beautiful."

"You're beautiful."

Lily let out a watery giggle. "You can't even see me…"

"I don't have to, I just know."

Lily squeezed her eyes shut tighter I glee. She could no longer contain it and grabbed James around the midsection and buried her head into the fabric of his suit. James relaxed into the embrace.

"I'm heart-warming, aren't I," he bragged jokingly.

"No," she corrected him with a contented sigh, "feet- warming."

He chuckled. "I suppose we should be getting on with it then."

"Right," Lily agreed before turning to go. She didn't get very far when James caught her by the crook of her elbow, turned her back around and gently inclined her face so their eyes were locked.

"James, no! It's bad luck!" Lily gasped.

"We don't need luck, Lily, not when we have this." He planted a brief but lovely kiss on her lips. "See you at the altar then?"

Lily's face melted into a blissful smiled. "Without a doubt," she said and nodded vigorously.

"Mmm… _without a doubt_," he repeated happily, "Now that is the best news I've heard all day."

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**A/N: **So it's been about two and half years since I've written and posted on here… man did I miss this! Do I seem rusty? Please tell me what you think, I would love my return to fanfiction to be welcomed with reviews 


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